sick and tired of being sick and tired
Published Monday, March 12, 2007 by mooseyfatalist.
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DISCLAIMER: this blog is very personal and contains a bit of language. it's 3 am so keep that in mind if you feel like it. anyone that takes this stuff too seriously or is offended by the "F" word should stop reading now and just go look at some of my depressing art. thanks.
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what the hell am I even doing here. I want to be home and happy and have my own apartment and a beautiful girlfriend that loves me. Somehow I feel like if I can just be home everything will get better, but I know life isn't that simple and it's one fucked up thing after another. if it's not my depression and not being able to sleep at night it's my fucking issues and fear of expressing them to anyone least someone know how screwed up I really am. Two more months though till I'm done with this internship. were I feel like a failure and a fuckup daily. working from 9 am to 11pm but not even working well. just being a fuckup and messing things up. why can't shit just be simple. just live and be happy but no, life has to come along and say "oh no what the fuck? a happy person. we'll just see about that" and throw some shit at you. Then there's the fact that everytime I rant like this people are like "it's ok micah life is still worth living, you don't want to hurt yourself" fuck that. I'm not suisidal I'm just not incredibly happy. which is sadly pretty normal. I just have other problems that I don't talk about or address other than just lack of joy that I feel like if people only knew then they'd either run away or try to fix me. maybe I need fixing, maybe I'm just broken and shattered on the floor. maybe I don't want to be mended. I'll just find joy in stupid things and be a depressed little fuck up for the rest of my life. never really amounting to anything but at least when I die people will remember me every once in a while and be like "aw micah was nice" just the fucking, finish last nice guy. I'm tired. rant over.
DISCLAIMER: this blog is very personal and contains a bit of language. it's 3 am so keep that in mind if you feel like it. anyone that takes this stuff too seriously or is offended by the "F" word should stop reading now and just go look at some of my depressing art. thanks.
****************************************************************
what the hell am I even doing here. I want to be home and happy and have my own apartment and a beautiful girlfriend that loves me. Somehow I feel like if I can just be home everything will get better, but I know life isn't that simple and it's one fucked up thing after another. if it's not my depression and not being able to sleep at night it's my fucking issues and fear of expressing them to anyone least someone know how screwed up I really am. Two more months though till I'm done with this internship. were I feel like a failure and a fuckup daily. working from 9 am to 11pm but not even working well. just being a fuckup and messing things up. why can't shit just be simple. just live and be happy but no, life has to come along and say "oh no what the fuck? a happy person. we'll just see about that" and throw some shit at you. Then there's the fact that everytime I rant like this people are like "it's ok micah life is still worth living, you don't want to hurt yourself" fuck that. I'm not suisidal I'm just not incredibly happy. which is sadly pretty normal. I just have other problems that I don't talk about or address other than just lack of joy that I feel like if people only knew then they'd either run away or try to fix me. maybe I need fixing, maybe I'm just broken and shattered on the floor. maybe I don't want to be mended. I'll just find joy in stupid things and be a depressed little fuck up for the rest of my life. never really amounting to anything but at least when I die people will remember me every once in a while and be like "aw micah was nice" just the fucking, finish last nice guy. I'm tired. rant over.